Confessions of an apartment girlfriend.

The following is a story as old as time....
Well, as old as I am.
Ok, so it's just a few years old, but it's STILL very applicable to me and a lot of the girls that I consider to be close friends.
Ladies and gentlepeople, I am about to attempt to go where no one has gone before.
Brace yourselves as together we unravel:
THE BRO-ZONE.*insert dramatic cymbal crashes here*

What is the bro-zone? you might be asking.
Many of you have probably heard of the "friend zone"

But generally, this is used in the context of GIRLS friend-zoning BOYS.
Which is totally sexist and not even always the case.
Let me introduce you.

Tonight I will be addressing the bro-zone from the perspective of an apartment girlfriend (are you still with me?)
Bear with me as I give you a summary of how a girl with one guy-friend of no romantic interest has escalated over the years to suddenly becoming an apartment girlfriend -- with all of the jealousies that go with it.


To protect the innocent, I shall change everyone's names (which may not be much of a protection since the majority of these are how I refer to them anyway...):
Meet the 1st real guy friend I had: Cock-tail Shrimp.

He and I were fast friends in 6th grade as we waited in line for instrument trials and he began screaming about how much he loves cheese.  What followed was a beautiful friendship of band, theater, inside jokes, doodle pages, made-up songs, gripping about class, and no interest.

Then I moved.
Enter Kacy's Angels:

Three guys that have taught me SO much.  They were a foundation for the person that I am now and that I knew always had my back.  They would let me tell it to them straight, but we knew we always had each other's best interests at heart.
Interest levels though?
Chester: Dating a girl when we met and then interested in my best friend when we actually became friends. Only date he took me on was when his girlfriend flew out of town the week before a dance. #BROZONE
Frederick: Dating my best friend when we became friends. I made him pretend to be mute during one of our early conversations. #BROZONE.
Stacy: We were both interested in other people when we became friends. FRIEND/BROZONE
Then there's Carlolos. one of my senior year bffs.
I was dating his best friend, he was dating a girl in theater, and he told me that my arms were hairier than his and he hoped I got fat while he was on his mission. #BROZONE


ALSO, I would like to mention that of the 4 above mentioned boys I'm still best friends with them all and: 1 is on a mission still, 1 is dating someone, 1 is engaged, and 1 is married.
Somehow, I managed to raise these boys to have successful relationships.... and I'm still stuck in the BROZONE.
How did that happen?
The rest of high school and college has not been too different.
Boys love to tell me about the girls they dig and we go on lots of crazy adventures and in the end they tell me what a great friend I am.


The most recent label put on it is "apartment girlfriend."
It's pretty advertised too.
The guys that I'm especially good friends with love to parade it and claim any boy will have to fight all 4 of them to get to me.
I am 1 of 2 apartment girlfriends.
It's perks include:
- food
- cuddling offers that are always jokes
- road trips
- talking
- not talking
- being driven places
- lots of laughs
- someone listening
- someone interrupting
- getting to listen to an analysis of that day's bodily functions
- lots of teasing
- spiritual discussions
- music jam-outs
- but most importantly really good friends that feel almost like family (:

So all in all, it's really not a bad thing..........
Or is it?
No. It's not.
I just have to find someone that really is willing to put up with me and my 20 best guy friends. (;
#reasonwhyimstillsingle

Your mother doesn't love you...

"Kacy! You need to change! People are gonna think your momma doesn't care about you!!!"

"Kacy! You are of courtin' age and can't be lookin' like a hobo!"

"Wait... are you really going to wear that?"

I love dressing up as much as the next person.
Maybe even more.
Exhibit A:

But honestly, I think part of the reason for that is because I also REALLY love dressing down.
Probably more than the average person.
It's not uncommon for me to wake up, start getting ready, and then yell for my whole apartment to hear "I HATE REAL CLOTHES!!!!!!"

Sweats and I just get along really well. What can I say?

Ladies and gentlepeople!
I hereby present to you all you need to know about the high fashion of single life:

First in the line of fashion are extra large men's pajama pants.  Borrowing your father's or buying some from a thrift store works perfectly.  Nothing says comfort and lack of desire to wear nice/fitted things like these pants.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

In case you're not convinced that they're actually as big as I'm telling you they are:

THAT'S RIGHT!

We're each in one of the legs.

Two People.

One pair of pants.

It's real life yo.

Next up on the catwalk are clothes from other decades. Shirts that are meant to be unzipped to show off all of the chest hair you've been growing are sure to keep the opposite gender at a safe distance.

For every work related activity, nothing says professionalism like sweats and fuzzy boots.

And athletics should only ever be done in those clothes which best show off your figure.

Want to wear a skirt but be warm/comfortable at the same time? Extra large t-shirts and pajama pants underneath will help you accomplish your wildest dreams.

Need to go dancing? Naturally you will want to dress for the occasion just in case you meet any special someone.

And those my esteemed readers are some of the #reasonswhyimstillsingle (:
Whatcha see is whatcha get when it comes to me.
Simply Me ^_^

Shout out.

Happy Birthday to one of my favorite single ladies and biggest supporters.
Maybe if you didn't stalk people, you wouldn't be the only single one in your apartment. (;

And yet... that's one of my favorite parts about you: your uncanny ability to be everywhere I am.



Love ya girl!

The defensive system.

Because to get to me, you have to get through my dad:

Six Moms (only one of which I'm actually related to):

And this:

What can I say? I have a lot of people who love me (:

I can't help it if they're a little intimidating.

#reasonswhyimstillsingle

Where you're from says a lot about you...

I'm from Tooele County Utah.
The thriving metropolis of Stansbury Park, to be exact.
It's one of those places that when people find out where you're from, they give a very distinct look... Kind of like this:

Now I know that it's out in the middle of no where and I know that it doesn't have the best school systems or the best reputations... but there are some really great things about it too.

Right?

Like creativity. No one can say that people from Tooele aren't creative.

Because we are.

(when you only have wal-mart to go to on the weekends you have to be)

This creativity has lended itself many great dates...

where we dressed as super heroes

or built cardboard boats

or had nerf wars

It has also lended itself to a creativity in game creation.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the latest in Tooele county creativity and the reason that 3 of the 4 of us are still single: this game.

You see, we find this to be fun.

Like, "we think we are hilarious" kind of fun. (:

#reasonswhyimstillsingle

Twinkling.

Meet two of my friends:
Austin and Daniel.


They're two of the best people I've ever met. Ever.

Not to mention, they have so much going for them.  They sing. They play instruments. They're athletic...
"So why are they single?" you're likely asking.

I'm about to tell you.

It's called dycling (d-why-ca-ling).
Or tandem-one-biking.
Or twinkling. (They twinkle across campus ^_^)

Maybe I should just show you:

Don't worry... they come back.

Can you see why it's a little difficult to come up with a name?

They're convinced it'll be an olympic sport one day.
I'm not quite as confident... but we'll see (:
what are your thoughts?
#reasonswhyimstillsingle

Exhibit B: Eating -- not for the faint of heart

I'm the healthiest person you will ever meet.
I only eat well balanced meals.
I do yoga and make myself a protein shake every morning before work.

False.

Eating in college is hard.
Real hard.

Especially when your kitchen is only this big:

Also, let me introduce you to my daily dose of vegetables (yes i am aware that they are gummy vitamins):

I know, I know I should be practicing my cooking skills for when I have a family one day, but let's be honest, who wants to spend a million and a half hours and dollars on cooking a giant dinner for yourself...
Then again, who wants to risk a life of malnutrition on a girl who eats a 5 pound bag of Tyson chicken nuggets, 36 poptarts, and 7 cans of pringles all by herself.

My friend Rebekah has similar issues.
Raman for dinner.
#reasonswhyimstillsingle